There are so many wild and messy emotions flying high during engagements. You’re feeling *all the things* at once which can usually lead to some overarching emotions of stress, scattered-mindedness, and lots of resulting frustration and possibly even defeat.
When everything feels all over the place, your engagement is not going to feel intimate.
It’s going to feel large and daunting and you’ll have to stumble over boxes of invitations and climb through unhealthy expectations and summit a mountain of pressure to finally…finally….have a moment of peace with your future spouse.
Engagements and weddings have been done this same exact, stressful way for decades and I’m here to suggest that maybe, just maybe, there is another way - a better way.
3 WAYS TO FIND INTIMACY IN YOUR ENGAGEMENT
1. Be wary of excess.
Think of your engagement like one big, empty room. You’re standing inside of it with your future spouse and everything is perfect. But the more people, material things, debt, obligation, tradition, events, calendars, to-do lists, that you add to the room, the harder it will be for you and your spouse to feel intimate. You’ll get torn apart in different directions or, you’ll feel squished together right in the middle, and you’ll begin to resent the chaos that surrounds you because it takes away from who you both are and the intimate environment that you deserve.
Your engagement is your space and what you fill that space with is your responsibility.
Side note: You can have a big wedding and still experience intimacy. You simply have to define what excess feels like to you. At what point will your version of excess begin taking away from the intimacy?
2. Schedule. time. together.
I’m pretty sure that every blog post in the world offers some sort of “scheduling” as a solution because. it. works. When you put something down on paper as a commitment, you’re held accountable in a way that an “oh - we’ll fit in some time when we can”, certainly does not allow.
You and your partner should be getting together for some alone time once a week, at the very minimum. You can absolutely use this time to talk about your upcoming wedding but the key to finding intimacy within your engagement is to use this time to also talk about YOU. Your relationship. Your upcoming marriage. Your hopes and dreams. Your fears and concerns. Hold this space for your relationship high above everything else.
3. Make intimacy a goal, in all things.
When planning your wedding, you’ve probably thought about so many details: how you want things to look, who you want to be there, what you’re going to serve, what you’re going to make. But if you’re doing all of those things without thoughtfully considering how to infuse the values that are most important to you, you’ll never feel completely fulfilled by the results.
If you want to experience loads of intimacy during your engagement, you have to keep it on the forefront of your mind as a goal to strive towards. You’ll find yourself no longer thinking about which venue is the prettiest - you’ll find yourself thinking about which venue feels the most in alignment with who you are and the goals you’ve set for your engagement - intimacy included.
An engagement without intimacy is like a relationship without love. They just don’t work together like they should. It will always feel like something is missing. You’ll never feel fully satisfied or fulfilled.
But the good news is that it’s all up to you. Making intimacy a priority within your engagement is entirely in your hands. You have the control. And now you have the tools that you need to move forward in the right direction.
ONE HEART-CENTERED ACTION YOU CAN DO TODAY: Pick one of the 3 Ways listed above that really stood out to you and chat about it with your future spouse. Share your thoughts with one another and come up with a game plan to move forward with intimacy in mind.