I can’t emphasize enough how normal it is to find yourself arguing with your future spouse a bit more, now that the ring is on your finger.
When this happens it can be easy to freak out, start feeling some doubts, or get into arguments over the fact that you’ve been getting into arguments. Been there, done that.
So what do you do when the love bug starts to bite a little too hard regarding wedding related issues?
1. Don't panic
No, you’re not getting a divorce before you’ve even gotten married. No, this doesn’t mean that you’ve already fallen out of love. No, your relationship is not going to be shattered over who is and isn’t invited to the wedding. Just breathe. Don’t panic. The more you can cool down before you try to fix an argument, the easier it’ll be solve.
2. Ask yourself “who is talking?”
When a disagreement or argument arises, you have to figure out where it is coming from. I promise you, 90% of the time, as an engaged couple planning a wedding, it is the stress talking. Those mean words that were said? That’s probably 'the pressure of it all’ talking. The reason you’re hysterical over something kinda silly? That’s probably the stress talking.
If it’s something deeper talking, and it just might be, then that is normal as well. Under high-pressure situations, sometimes things that were once buried are brought to the surface.
Once you distinguish who is talking, you can begin to put things into perspective.
3. Be honest
Communicate. Just say what you want to say. Let them know that the stress is getting to your head or ask them what the root of their upset is. Put it all out on the table. It can get messy, but that’s life and that’s marriage. And being engaged is not just about preparing for a wedding. It’s about preparing for marriage. This is a perfect place to start.
4. Together, revisit your decision to marry
Why did you say yes? Why did they ask you? What is it about this person that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Why do they want to spend their life with you? Which of their imperfections are you willing to accept as normal human flaws and love them regardless?
The best place to revisit your decision to marry? Premarital counseling. Whether you are having silly stress-induced arguments, arguments that are related to something deeper, or not having any arguments at all, the answer is premarital counseling.
By meeting with someone before you get married to discuss your relationship, you aren’t showing weakness or instability. You are showing strength and an eagerness to intentionally invest in the best marriage ever. Go to premarital counseling.
I hate the saying “it takes two to tango”. Probably because my mom always said it whenever there was an argument between me and my sisters growing up. BUT, I think there is definitely some truth to it. It takes two people to disagree. So apologize. Whether you started it or not, apologize for your lack of understanding. Apologize for your short temper. Apologize for creating hurt feelings. Whatever you need to apologize for, humble yourself, lay down your pride, and never hesitate to offer up a hearty, “I’m so sorry”.
It’s ok to hit some rough patches during your engagement. There is a lot going on and you have every right to feel the weight of it all. But don’t fall into the trap of letting the rough patches dictate this season of your life.
Acknowledge the rough parts. Work through the rough parts. Move on.
...And go to premarital counseling.
Have I said that enough yet?
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